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May 7, 2008

blog troll service

Filed under: Quality of Life — estreet @ 8:53 am
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I got a new stalker who spews hate towards me yet obsessively visited this blog 55 times in the past day and a half. You don’t have to do much to pick one up, as the Pulsers know.

This is clearly a Blog Troll. I came across this blogging service – you can rent a “Blog Troll” from a website called www.sanestorm.com. How funny is this? 🙂

blog troll consulting and provisioning
what is it?

A blog troll is an obnoxious, hurtful and incredibly valuable loser who, for whatever reason, is both obsessd by and constantly annoyed with, and deeply offended by everything you write on your blog. And while you can ban him/her from commenting on your site — they’ll come back as alts and you can ban them, too — you can’t ban them from commenting on other sites and pointing back to your blog, and you can’t ban them from posting things on their own blog that point back to your site.

And you really, really wouldn’t want to.

Because a blog troll will provide you with more traffic to your blog than an interview with William Shatner, a brief affair with Amanda Congdon, or even a pointer from BoingBoing.

Why? Because being hated is interesting, and tons of people will want to know why this freak has it in for you. That makes you special. That makes you interesting. Nobody targets a nobody.

what does blog troll consulting and provisioning involve?

Basically, one or more of our writers will take the time to get to know your blog and despise it and you and everything you stand for. We will come to believe that we can see inside your soul and understand you better than you know yourself. We will end up RSSing every page of your blog to watch for comments on comments. We will Technoratti your name and the names of everything you’ve ever written.

It’s like stalking, but legal and not dangerous.

Then, once we’re really steeped in your escence, we’ll start unleashing a torrent of troll posts on other folks’ blogs, on new blogs that we’ll create just for this purpose, etc. And on sites like Digg, we’ll consistently try to un-Digg your blog, which will only get it more attention, as everybody knows that total morons that Dugg stuff for lame reasons get just as much air-time as truly interesting, valid posts.

If you don’t want us to troll for you, we can also consult with friends and relatives of yours and provide them with training in how to drive “invert-negative” traffic to your site.
why do this?

Two words: Atten-shun.
why do it with sanestorm?

We’re blog people. We know this language. We understand how to be truly annoying in ways that aren’t obviously so. We know how to tweak the grognards, the wonks, the beardy types and the pointy-heads. Nothing generates interest in your blog more than some total asshat saying that it sucks.

And, depending on your needs, we can charge by the hour, the word or based on your increased page-views or unique visitors. No matter your budget, we have a troll package that’s right for you.

Stop blogging in the desert. If your light is under a bushel, let a troll guide others to it by pissing on it.

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5 Comments »

  1. OMG, that’s friggin’ hilarious! (Am in a rush right now, but hopefully I’ll get a chance to visit the site and see if it’s a joke or an actual paid service.)

    Comment by Jake — May 7, 2008 @ 12:33 pm | Reply

  2. Maybe I’m getting a free month trial of a blog troll.

    Cool, a freebie! Those sanestorm.com guys are really brilliant.

    This is my favorite quote:

    Why? Because being hated is interesting, and tons of people will want to know why this freak has it in for you. That makes you special. That makes you interesting. Nobody targets a nobody.

    I gotta un-spam my troll’s comments.

    Comment by estreet — May 7, 2008 @ 12:52 pm | Reply

  3. I check your site multiple times a day because you have great entries. I also check your eseller street to see how many watchers I currently have and what everyone else does.

    <— Not a hater

    Comment by IBitTheSheriff — May 8, 2008 @ 7:35 pm | Reply

  4. IBitTheSheriff,

    I don’t hate you either. I was looking at your site the other day and I really like your logo.

    Michelle

    Comment by estreet — May 8, 2008 @ 7:54 pm | Reply

  5. Thanks, I’ve been reading your blog religiously for a couple months now. A couple members from my message board had a post made about them on this blog so that’s how I found out about it. Great job tracking the pulse cheaters. Hopefully the pulse will be back to the way it was 2 years ago.

    Feel free to join my message board, it’s http://www.ibitthesheriff.com/forums . We have a section dedicated to sharing ideas, tips, etc regarding the Ebay PN and with eBay in general. Your experience would be a great addition to our 300+ members.

    Comment by IBitTheSheriff — May 8, 2008 @ 8:09 pm | Reply


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